Okay, so first things first: STOP THE PRESS, because this can’t wait!
And oh my GOD. Just... OMG.
You know when you get those really fit, fancy Waitrose breakfast muffins infused with gruyere and black pepper? Well, they tasted a bit like those, but with the blissfully overpowering added bonus of Marmite.
My whole house was rampant with the stench of Marmite, which made my heart sing, and my husband gag.
I had gone through hell and back (... A bit of torrential rain and strong winds that nearly wiped out my weedy frame) to get my mitts of these buns, so I was prepared to let their odour taint all of my fresh washing and overpower all of my Yankees as a consequence.
The calendar in the kitchen had been marked with the event for quite some weeks: DAY OFF = GO TO M&S FOR MARMITE HOT CROSS BUNS. (This is the sort of life I lead, by the way. I actually dedicate whole days of my existence to buying Marmite based products).
And so my day off was spent eagerly leaping into M&S at 8am, seconds after they’d opened the doors. Like a pig hunting truffles, I sniffed my way round the store until I located the goods.
I will say this: M&S has a STRONG hot cross bun game this year!
Salted Caramel & Chocolate – Even my anorexia purred at the mere thought of these bad boys.
Extremely Chocolaty – STOP IT!!!
Blueberry – I like blueberry muffins, and I like hot cross buns, so the chances of me falling in love with these temptresses were pretty high.
Bramley Apple – Sounded intriguing, but I had to stay loyal to the 'Mite.
Now, where were my little beauties hiding?
Ah! There they were, right at the bottom of the shelf, partially hidden by somebody’s trolley.
My first mouthful of the humble Marmite hot cross bun sent an ensemble of classical music spearing through my mind. The irritatingly loud sounds from my husband’s Xbox were instantly wiped away by one, yeasty, Marmite-y hand (... I realise that I’m not really selling these to those in the ‘hate it’ camp!)
I was instantly whisked away from my dining table and deposited on the pink shores of a far-off, people-less island.
Each and every mouthful from there on in massaged my taste buds and whispered to my soul.
Everything is going to be alright.
It was as if every ounce of negativity had been sucked from my body via a giant, Marmite flavoured straw.
I felt all light and airy and overcome with delirium.
... The long and short of it all is that I would HIGHLY recommend Marmite hot cross buns!
Side note: I’ve eaten A LOT this weekend.
Ben & Jerry’s have snuck a cheeky new flavour (Raindough Cookie Dough Twist) onto the market, which I simply HAD to try. And by ‘HAD to try,’ I mean I HAD to eat the whole, entire tub in one sitting, at 8:10am, after a measly 5k run.
Very appetising. Would also recommend. Would buy again.
I also treated my Mum to homemade ‘Take That’ themed afternoon tea for Mother’s Day.
Honestly, it was another of my genius ideas – I made little cocktail stick flags with play-on-word lyrics relating to afternoon tea and stuck them in the cakes and sandwiches.
‘Just want you back to PUD’
‘Never forget where you’ve come here SCON’
‘Tonight, gotta live for, gotta live for, TUNA MAYONNAISE’
‘BREAD it all, nothing to say at all’
‘We just lay down in the [Salad] garden’
‘[Jelly] babe, here I am again’ (Okay, so I know Jelly Babies aren’t your traditional afternoon tea staple, but they’re my Mum’s favourites, so I popped a bowl on the table)
(If anyone wants to hire me as a party planner, HOLLA! I specialise in zany themes and different variants of Marmite based products.)
... If you came here for a fix of yoga jargon, I do apologise, but some things are just more important than the Downward Dog, and Marmite is one of those things.
After the fiasco of meditation, I vowed to give yoga a go to see if it was a better suited activity for my restless mind.
Truth be told, I had every intention of trying my hand at it last weekend, but then hamster gate happened, and I ended up in A&E for 5 hours.
This afternoon, I had the house to myself, so I shut myself away in my office. I lit the candles, flicked on the fairy lights and loaded up my ‘relaxation’ playlist (consisting of only one R&B banger, you’ll be glad to know. ‘Through The Wire’ by Kanye, in case you were wondering).
Rain tapped against the window, making for even more of a serene situ.
I did try to ease myself into the zen mood by having another go at meditation, but this time, my mind went all feverish trying to imagine the size of the world’s biggest Easter egg. Then I got Olly Murs ‘Dance With Me Tonight’ stuck in my head, then the two themes combined, and I started to get visions of a building-sized Easter egg dancing to Olly Murs.
I got a bit freaked out, actually, and when a rain cloud darkened the window, I panicked, thinking it was a huge Easter egg peering in at me.
(I think I’ll just disregard meditation from now on, tbh. It doesn’t bring out the best in me or my overactive imagination, for that matter.)
Yoga was slightly more up my street.
I was so focused on not collapsing that I didn’t even have time to think about freakishly large items of confectionary.
Crikey though – it’s not easy! I presumed yoga would basically just entail a load of lounging around on the floor with a few gentle stretches thrown in.
I endured a gruelling 20 minute ‘beginner’s guide to yoga’ YouTube video, which consisted of 15 positions.
I had my Covid jab over a week ago now, and the bloody Downward Dog has awakened the arm ache all over again.
At one point, I was convinced that my spine was going to snap in half.
My intention had been to gather a few cute self-timer snaps of me coyly stood strong in the Warrior’s Pose for my blog. My reality was that I was very nearly sick. Seriously, my body feels that battered after being twisted and yanked into all kinds of bizarre poses that I’ve actually been sat, shivering, in my dressing gown ever since. I feel as though I’ve been through quite the ordeal.
I’m not built for The Plank, I’m really not.
I did quite enjoy yoga, though! I’m actually excited to try it again and see if it becomes easier the more I do it.
I’m bad and never warm up or cool down before or after running, which is probably why I have my sleep interrupted by calf cramps every night. I’d now be interested to maybe incorporate some yoga into my running routine to see if it makes a difference.
In other news, I also treated myself to some hyacinths during my weekly shop. I spotted them by the till as I was queuing to pay, and I couldn’t resist.
The beautifully potent aroma of hyacinths always reminds me of my beloved Grandma Barbara, who kept them in her porch every spring.
Cara Jasmine Bradley