We'll Be Okay 🖤

This is for anyone who has ever hit rock bottom. Whether you’re currently there, slowly climbing out, or are already over the hill - this one is for you.

Life. Just when you think you’re starting to understand its labyrinth of complexities, it throws you a curveball.

And when you think about it, that’s all we’re all really doing, all of the time: hiding from curveballs, dodging curveballs, or picking ourselves back up after being floored by a curveball.

We’re all broken, to a certain extent. There isn’t a single person who can embark on the journey of life and remain unscathed.

Life hurts. In fact, I’d go as far as saying that there’s no greater agony.

It burns and it aches and it blisters.

It’ll push you to limits you never thought possible to endure.

It’ll take you to hell and back, and then back again.

But despite this, quite remarkably, you WILL get through it. You, I, and everybody else. We’ve all done it before, and we’ll all do it again.

Pain comes in so many crucifying forms.

Relationship breakdowns, that kick us to the floor and leave us there, gasping for air.

Betrayal, that bends our fingers back when we least expect it. We trust people we know we perhaps shouldn’t, because we want to believe that this time, things will be different.

Death, that leaves an unfillable void that we simply cannot see past.

Grief, that freezes us to a blackened state of mind.

Fear and anxiety, that silently stalk our footsteps and breathe down our neck.

Anger, that overspills and manipulates our rationale.

Resentment, that eats us from the inside out over time.

Rejection, that feels like a punch to the gut.

Failure, that makes us question everything we’ve worked for, and everything that matters.

Mental struggles, that try as we might, we sometimes just can’t explain.

Trauma doesn’t discriminate.

The reluctant rumours are true: it doesn’t matter how much money you have, how powerful you are, or how beautiful you are considered to be… When sadness comes knocking, you can’t escape it. And that’s what unites every single one of us.

We’re all too familiar with that weighing feeling of pain; the kind that quite inexplicably makes your whole heart physically ache.

Every day you wake up, and in those blissful few seconds – suspended between dream and reality – you forget. And then it hits you.

And every morning you pray that this will be the day – the day you’ll wake up and forget to remember, the day the pain seeps through your skin with less vengeance.

Sometimes, the days turn to weeks, the weeks to months, the months to years, but I promise that one day – however long it takes - the shackles of your pain will ease, and you’ll begin to find your peace.

Is there anything worse than being told that you’ll ‘be fine’ while you’re in the throes of turmoil? It’s almost insulting.

How the hell do they know?!

What do they know?

In your most harrowing, consuming, loneliest moments, you dare to entertain the niggling worry that you might never be fine again.

But one day something will just click. You’ll take your first wobbly steps towards believing that, actually, you might just be okay after all.

You WILL get over that person you thought you never would.

You WILL move on from that betrayal.

You WILL pick yourself up and brush yourself off after that bump in the road, no matter how much it knocked you for six.

Life may never quite be the same again, and each scar will change how you view the world, but you WILL come back from this stronger and wiser.

“I’m fine.”

Why is our most-recited, most-spoken line a lie?

Why do we do so much to mask how we really feel?

Why are we almost programmed to feel a sense of shame when admitting that we’re NOT okay?

We’re human, we’re complex, we’re fragile, and we have emotions that we often don’t really know what to do with.

Bad days are shit, but they’re completely and utterly normal. And we shouldn’t feel as though we have to shut ourselves away and hide our sadness.

Can we please normalise ALL feelings, not just the social-media worthy highs?

I’m absolutely NOT ashamed to say that I have come so close to the edge on so many occasions.

I’ve been let down by people I thought I could trust.

I’ve suffered heartbreak.

I’ve experienced death, and have had to somehow try to figure out how to piece together a life without the people it took from me.

I’ve been rejected, I’ve stared failure in the face, and I’ve felt the stabs of raging anger.

I’ve been brought to my knees by mental illness (namely, anorexia) more times than I care to think about.

Every single person reading this will be able to re-write the above paragraph with their own list of tribulations.

I recently went through a ‘bad patch,’ and my best friend (who, BTW, is one of the most incredible, most ferocious warrior queens in the world), shared a really valuable tip for getting through the darkest of days that seem to never end.

“You literally have to survive by the hour,” she said. “Don’t think about tomorrow, or next week, or next month; your job is just to get to the next hour. It’s 6 O’clock – how are you going to get to 7? You might read a couple of chapters of your book. Then it’s 7 o’clock, and you have to get to 8, so you might have a bath. Then at 8 o’clock, you could do some writing to get you to 9. Just take things 60 minutes at a time, until you’re okay again. It might take months, but your only job right now is to survive.”

It really helped me, especially in the moments I felt overwhelmed by thoughts of the not-too-distant future.

Never punish your mind for its feelings.

Supressing our feelings is one of the worst things we can do to ourselves.

Pain hurts, but it’s important to embrace it. The sooner you acknowledge it, the more you learn about it, and the sooner you can start to heal.

Be kind to yourself. I know that’s advice that gets thrown around a lot nowadays, but I wonder how many people actually adhere to it?

There’s no time like the present to start putting yourself first, and your pain management will teach you the value of that.

Self-care is NOT a luxury fluffed up with connotations of bubble baths and manicures. Self-care is muting the world in favour of listening to your mind and body.

Self-care is a necessity, and does not make you selfish.

Know that there’s no time limit on sorrow. Everyone’s timeframes are totally unique to them. Never feel under any pressure to ‘get over it.’ You will get there, in your own time. Rushing the process will only set you back.

When we fall down, it’s natural to want to isolate ourselves for one reason or another. Sometimes, we just can’t face the world; we’re tired of faking that smile. We may also worry about burdening our family and friends with our problems.

Take all the time you need to mend your heart in private, but know the importance of keeping in touch with your loved ones.

They are your own personal cheerleaders, and no matter what your plagued mind might tell you at times, they will always love you, be there for you, and want the best for you.

A few weeks ago, I saw something online that struck a chord with me.

It basically said that when you feel like you have nobody, you should think about the lives of everyone you have ever touched.

These don’t even need to be significant encounters – it could simply be the stranger whose gorgeous outfit you complimented on the train that day, or the frazzled shop worker you were kind to last Christmas. Your primary school bestie. Your favourite high school teacher. Your next door neighbours.

Now, imagine each of those people as lights on a globe, spanning across the map of your life in great handfuls.

Now do you see your worth?

If you take one thing from this blog, please, please, PLEASE know that you matter to more people than you will ever know. People care about you.

The very worst thing you can lose in life is yourself.

Don't EVER allow anything or anyone take you away from yourself. Don't let your pain become you or shape you. You are so much more than anything you have been through and will go through.

Pain is much easier to face when you have your own back.

The next time you feel like giving up, imagine your younger, untarnished self standing in-front of you.

What would you say to them?

The song that was number one in the charts the week I left primary school was 'You're Beautiful' by James Blunt. I now dedicate this song to my younger self, because it's something I wish she knew, at a time when she started to question herself and life as she knew it. The carefree innocence of childhood ended and life got scarily real, and I'd do anything to take that self-doubt and self-loathing away from her.

You owe it to your younger self to keep going, one foot in-front of the other, no matter how impossible the journey feels at times. They did their fair share of carrying the weight for you, and now you have to somehow learn to carry it for them.

Because one day - decades from now - another version of you is going to look back at the person you are right now, and they're going to thank you for holding on.

I am a firm believer that everything happens for a reason, and eventually, everything will make sense.

From betrayal and rejection, to death and mental torture, not one of us makes it through this voyage untouched.

There's nothing we can do to shield the attacks of life in its varying forms, but we can stand tall - together - in our determination to believe that better days are coming.

Oh, and girls - if it's a relationship breakdown you're currently contending with, I find it always helps to remember this legendary quote from Legally Blonde:

"If you're going to let one stupid prick ruin your life, then you're not the girl I thought you were." - Professor Stromwell 💕

That, and listening to No Scrubs.

Cara Jasmine Bradley ©